"They say that the suffering you endure when you are younger is a way for you to pay your dues early and make room for better things in the future. Keep at it until you are calloused and bruised. Although you may be hurt and bleeding now, a better day will come. Hard work will never betray you."
Kang Gary of Leessang, Dec 2011

Monday, December 29, 2014

Last one.

Since I don't have much to do at work today (sebab hujan dan juga malas), I spent the entire morning reading my whole 2014's posts.
Wow, sungguh depressing entry-entry ku untuk tahun ini rupanya haha.

Tapi memang agak depressing lah tahun ni.
Imagine you have to work with someone who doesn't have any idea that you are working independently, that your position is not under any specific person (except for the pay master), that you are to work with everyone, not for anyone. 

Actually I think he does understand my position but he choose to ignore it sebab he is a plain egoist kepala besar perasan bagus with a temper of a 2 year old yang rasa only he alone can get this site moving and nobody is above him except for the paymaster. Or anyone that can give him money and kiss his ass for that matter. 


Honestly, my 2014 in general takdelah teruk sangat. It was not that good tapi tak lah teruk. Cuma I guess I am seriously affected by my work. To be honest aku adalah stress menghampiri tahap menyampah dengan team aku sekarang. Sebab aku tak boleh nak buat kerja aku properly. Dahla kena mengadap manusia psycho tu kat site hari-hari. 

Kalau ikut hati memang dah lama nak berhenti, but I don't have the privilege, given my current condition. So bertabah je lah sepanjang tahun ni. Nasib baik project ni setahun je, kalau tak memang depresi melampau lah aku sekarang. Ni pun dah ala-ala depress ni, asyik ponteng and tak semangat nak pergi kerja langsung. And it makes me super exhausted and sick (literally) fighting with myself.


Sekianlah luahan perasaan ala merempan kali terakhir untuk tahun ini. 

Friday, December 12, 2014

Malasnya.

Oh my rindunya nak menulis kat sini. Tapi tak tau kenapa macam tak ada benda dan tak ada masa nak share. Ok tipu. Sejujurnya aku kerasukan hantu malas dengan sangat kronik sekarang ni. Semua benda pun malas nak buat. Kerja pun dah malas nak pergi. Last month tah berapa hari tah aku ponteng, mampos gaji tak berkat.

Maybe I should take a proper long vacation and go travel a bit. Tapi masalahnya siapa pulak nak tolong aku tengok kan kucing-kucing. Dahla sekarang ni aku jauh dari semua orang. 
Tapi boleh ke aku ni nak pergi vacation pun? Sebab sekarang ni nak keluar rumah pun malas gila. Ponteng kerja tapi duduk rumah je, gomol kucing and baca buku.

Its almost middle December already. Tiba-tiba je dah nak habis setahun. Aku memang tak sabar nak tunggu tahun ni habis sebab aku dah tak sabar nak tunggu project aku ni siap so that aku boleh tinggalkan tempat ni (dan mungkin juga kerja sekarang). Aku dah malas nak hadap project dan team sekarang, psychologically exhausting and annoying gila babi.

Oklah aku dah malas nak menulis lagi. Bye.

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