"They say that the suffering you endure when you are younger is a way for you to pay your dues early and make room for better things in the future. Keep at it until you are calloused and bruised. Although you may be hurt and bleeding now, a better day will come. Hard work will never betray you."
Kang Gary of Leessang, Dec 2011

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Adi tu budak baik ke?


It's 3 in the morning. I just arrived from my project site. I'm sooooo  freakin' tired sekarang nih, plus kepala otak super serabut, plus perut aku dah mula meragam going gassy and  all  and making me gastric.

Aku adalah super sakit hati di saat ini. Sangat membencikan bila good things dan bad things happen simultaneously. Sebab you'll tend to go nuts craking your head and heart over the bad things, instead of being all happy and enjoying the good things. Perasan tak??

I mean, like it or not, you cannot just ignore the bad things tu kan? Nak tak nak kena hadapi / settle / think about the bad things tu. Even bila kau rasa cam oh-heppinya-dapat-perkara-yang-baik then the joy will fade away the very minutes kau terfikirkan balik benda yang tak best tu. Lepas tu bila kau nak rasa hepi over the good things tu pun kau dah tak boleh sebab rasa cam guilty pulak nak berhepi2 sedangkan ada perkara yang tak baik dah berlaku.

I'm currently having to deal with this stupid annoying thing, yang like WTF-orang-lain-punya-pasal-aku-pulak-yang-kena-settle kinda thing. Then earlier this nite a received a good news, and that didnt even make me smile! Sebab aku dah diselubungi rasa berbelah bahagi and guilt.

Dengan apa yang berlaku sekarang ni, I dint think that I can leave my baby, not like this. But I have things of my own that I have to take care of. Tapi seriously, aku sangat tak sampai hati. If I left, aku tau several orang akan susah dan I cant leave knowing others having a hard time. Dah la aku tak berapa nak confident dengan orang2 yang bakal menguruskan baby aku nanti. But if I stayed, aku ni macam mana? Sapa pulak nak susah hati pasal aku?

Aku ni baik hati ke bodoh?

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