"They say that the suffering you endure when you are younger is a way for you to pay your dues early and make room for better things in the future. Keep at it until you are calloused and bruised. Although you may be hurt and bleeding now, a better day will come. Hard work will never betray you."
Kang Gary of Leessang, Dec 2011

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Mati

I'm committing suicide.

.

.

.


Aku rasa orang yang suka menjebakkan diri dengan perbuatan yang berkesudahan dengan penderitaan pada diri sendiri tu sama je cam perbuatan bunuh diri.

And that's what I'm doing right now. Buat benda bodoh dan dengan rela hatinya menjebakkan diri dalam complicated situation yang tahapa2 tah. Padahal aku tau the severity of the damage, the pain it will cost. But still I allowed myself taking the chance, risking it. Aku pun tak tau kenapa laaa I choose to get involved. Kadang2 aku rasa aku tak paham dengan diri sendiri. Sometimes I tend to make stupid decision despite the fact that I clearly understand and aware for fact that it is stupid. Tapi tu lah, gatal sangat kaaann.. tetap ku pilih jua jalan penderitaan ittew..

At this age, aku rasa aku dah cukup matang untuk berfikir dan membuat keputusan logically, if not maturely. Tapi kenapalah keputusan yang tak logik tu jugak yang aku buat. But then kan, sometimes it seems that the illogically-stupid-suicidal decision tu feel soo right. Maybe that's why sometimes people choose to cheat and lie, eventhough they know better how that act could cost them massive pain. Korang penah rasa camtu tak? (Ke aku sorang je yang rasa camtu.. *hmmm*)

Mungkin sebab tu jugak I keep on making those immature decision, keep on hurting myself. Sebab at that time, it just felt soo right. Lepas2 tu baru la nak rasa cam bodoh la, menyesal la, tertekan la.. pastu tension sesorang. Padahal sendiri yang cari pasal kaann.. drama sangat taw kau ni Adi. Nah sekarang, rasain!!

7 comments:

~adeQ~ said...

makcik, are u okay????

Monkey D Luffy said...

are you not okay?

Jiha.... said...

what happen?

masalah hati ni hmmmm

AdiHana said...

i'm ok.

cuma bak kata Jiha, ni kes masalah hati...

*sob sob*

Nas said...

bersabarlah k die.. =D

Pika said...

Chill adi chill. :-)

AdiHana said...

iyeee Tuhan je yg tahu betapa saya sedang besabar+ ber-chill nih..

**walaupun sebenarnya dah hamir separuh mereng huk~~ (-_-")

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